In my opinion, your voice is too droning. Now, i'm not claiming that my voice is really good, but you need to give some live to your voice - at the moment, you're plainly mumbling. Also, as the bloke above me says, you need a distinguishable chorus and a climax.
Overall, i think you need more ascertiveness (sp? i'm in a bad mood and i can't be arsed with spelling!) and power in your songs. Obviously, that's my opinion, but i hope that you'll take it on board. Saying that, i still think this song has potential - it's more how you perform your songs than how you compose them.
A look and comment or whatever on my myspace would be appreciated. Thank you muchly.
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