Yay! [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]I got it!
>>>Subject: Subject: Tommy Cooperisms
>>>Date: Tue, 26 Oct 2004 12:37:28 +0100
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> 1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy
>>>
>>>marijuana, press the hash key..."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
>>>
>>>shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
>>>couldn't
>>>
>>>find any.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
>>>he
>>>
>>>couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
>>>too
>>>
>>>high."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
>>>him
>>>
>>>in.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
>>>shouted,
>>>
>>>"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
>>>
>>>can't, I've cut your arms off".
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
>>>the
>>>
>>>craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
>>>and
>>>
>>>heat it.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
>>>covered
>>>
>>>with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
>>>head.
>>>
>>>Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That
>>>
>>>sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is
>>>
>>>there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
>>>
>>>look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
>>>his
>>>
>>>teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
>>>
>>>Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck
>>>up
>>>
>>>my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
>>>
>>>give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
>>>go
>>>
>>>for it.'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
>>>
>>>people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
>>>
>>>dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I
>>>
>>>think it's Colin.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
>>>
>>>other one says "So are you, fatso!"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
>>>acid,
>>>
>>>the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one
>>>off.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
>>>today.
>>>
>>>They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
>>>that
>>>
>>>was nice."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
>>>
>>>several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>22. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
>>>
>>>small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
>>>
>>>rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number
>>>to
>>>
>>>climb as digging continues into the night.
I'll maybe edit all the little quite thingys out later... now I have to read it and have a larf! [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]
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