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Originally Posted by jasonAVO
recently, my family got together at my sisters house for her wedding. 5000 miles away in california. i said i wasnt going . plain and simple, i didnt want to go. its a 5 hour airplane flight. my father who i havent spoken to since 12 was going. big party(cant stand). due to work schedule i would be flying in at 10 at night and leaving the next day at dinner. i would be spending 500 dollars to simply see her say 'i do' . i said i wasnt going. i was taking my family on vacation 2 weeks prior to this wedding. i told my sister we would take it in california and spend a bunch of time with her. she said she preferred my going to the wedding than spending time with her. i reluctantly said i would go after getting an earful of guilt. this is counter to the core of how i believe i should live life to find happiness. sure enough...i was miserable. grouchy. stressed. took about a week to realize it was because i was living counter than how i believe i should. so i changed my mind. im not going. my sister wrote a letter to me(after ignoring my phone calls) saying she wasnt mad. BUT.....then came the guilt trip . i was ruining her wedding. im a horrible person. how could i not? how could i do this to her?
most people think i was wrong to not go. i will never feel that way. i almost allowed myself to be guilted into it. i was unhappy during that brief time. i was happy as soon as i took my life back and did what i wanted to do.(or not do in this instance). my mother still wont speak to me civilly. for what? i understand its the norm for people to go to these events. but i dont see marriage as others do. its just not important to me. the ceremony itself i mean. i had no more time off. i dont enjoy big parites. i dont like being around my father. i thought it a waste to spend 500$ on a daytrip to the other side of america. none of this mattered however because of how others expected me to be there. my happiness, to those that claim to care and love me, was secondary to the perception of how the wedding should be. for notice it wasnt about seeing me at all. she wouldve had 2 weeks with me had i taken vacation there.
...my happiness was supposed to take a backseat to others feelings.
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So because its not important to you, it shouldn't be important to her? Anyway, seems to me you think those that "claim to care and love" you shouldn't have made your happiness secondary to your sister's feelings, and yet that is precisely what you did to those you "claim to care for and love" - made
her happiness (having you be a part of her wedding day) secondary to
your feelings (avoiding situations you dislike). You
expect her to be completely understanding and accepting of your feelings, and yet her feelings appear to be entirely irrelevant.
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Originally Posted by jasonAVO
she didnt want that...she wanted me in the pictures. and that just isnt important to me.
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I'm quite certain it meant more to her than you being in the pictures. The fact you so casually dismiss as unimportant the fact she wanted you to come to wedding and her associated feelings as simply her "wanting you in the pictures" illustrates a hypocrisy about you that I dare say you fail to recognize.