a small plethora of feedback:
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Originally Posted by PenguinBoy
heyho, i'm doing a simmilar thing at the moment, but i'm contemplating just leaving the song snippety and making the music cut up at the right points, could be extra swish.
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you'll have to let me know how that works out...maybe it could be a musical suite or something.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by tj
after i'd had a few powers and cokes...
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this line stuck out to me as being kind of awkward - the rest of your images are literary and powerful, and so this one disrupted the tone for me. the rest is lovely, though.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by natethegreat86
and i try to live my life,
like a sailorless ship
a husbandless wife.
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are you saying that a wife needs to be steered, so to speak, by a husband?
