Need advice on a relationship issue !!!!!

Tink · 09-15-2004, 02:38 PM

Heylo there as some of you may know who read the girlie thread i have fallen for a guy. We have kissed and sat up for ages speaking to each other on a number of times. He has the same passion for music as i do and is just amazing! Anyway i really like him but am not sure if he feels the same way, and every time i attempt to spk to him about it to him i never end up doing it. One main reason is i have no idea what to say because i dont wan t to come on too strong and scare him away. The other reason is im scared that if i say something he wont feel the same and then it'll be ruined, but i do really need to know because i dont want to end up falling for him more and getting hurt. This probably sounds really stupid and immature of me but im quite useless as you may be ableto tell in these situations.

miss satis · 09-15-2004, 02:45 PM

aww! [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]

i had the exact same thing happen to me a while ago! was crazy about this guyn things were goin good we were really close n we got really close n stuff [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]lol we once stayed up talkin from 6 that night to seven in the morning and juswatched the sun rise n all tht romantic crap!![img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]but i jus lost my chance, i let him slip away!! i really wish i had took the chance when i could!! so i say jus go for it!! you might never know otherwise!!!!...good luck ! [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

miss satis · 09-15-2004, 02:47 PM

ps... the kissing is a good sign tht he likes ya!! [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

Tink · 09-15-2004, 02:49 PM

Aww we sat up until 5 in the morning chatting to, do you know what you are sooo right i am just going to get over my fear and do it. When i see him tomorrow in college i'll see if he ha sany free periods and chat to him about it then. Have to say though im absolutely terrified

Hendrik · 09-15-2004, 02:52 PM

At first: it's not immature, it's normal. [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]

I really understand your fears. And it's hard to speak it out loud, but the only way to get to know how he reacts is to tell him that you love him and that you are confused at the moment.

If you have so much fears try it - yeah, it sounds ridicolous - via e-mail at first and then suggest a meeting. Maybe that's easier for you?

But I don't understand this: you both end up kissing...if he doesn't want a relationship then why should he kiss you? A kiss is something really intimate...(well, I dunno how you deal with this in England) [img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img]

miss satis · 09-15-2004, 02:56 PM

aww!! well dont be!! cease the day n all that!! [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]dont worry im sure everythin will work out!!

i can imagine how scared you are!! its even worse when your face to face! lol but dont back down!! you have to do it for yourself!

i wish i coulda told my guy jus exactly how much he meant to me but now its too late....weve both moved on and he's moving to manchester in two days!!!

so i say gofor it while you can!! [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

Tink · 09-15-2004, 02:59 PM

exactly thats why im confused hendrickand its like my friends notice him sneakily glancing at me when we're all chatting and things like that.

Your e-mail thing isnt a stupid situation because i was thinking about phoning/txting him to arrange to like go out somewhere or go for a walk then i could tell him there. It is a kind of weird situation we are in though because one of our good mates used to like me and that may be a bit weird for him, and his ex goes to our college and she is like totally weird. I mean though i think we would be great together ppl keepsaying we would be great even my ex b/f came up to us today and asked us if we were together, when we said no he was like well you should be

Nathaniel · 09-15-2004, 02:59 PM

do it tink whats the old cliche

"its better to regret something you have done than something you havent" you dont want to spend the rest of your life going what if?

Take it from me I let this girl slip throug hfingers because of my overwhelmig fear of rejection and have regretted it everyday and have ever since been Chasing Amy.[img]smileys/smiley19.gif[/img]

Do it mate- have faith in yourself[img]smileys/smiley20.gif[/img]

Hendrik · 09-15-2004, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss satis

but i jus lost my chance, i let him slip away!! i really wish i had took the chance when i could!! so i say jus go for it!! you might never know otherwise!!!!...good luck ! [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

If I'm allowed to ask...how did you lose him then?

Tink · 09-15-2004, 03:04 PM

Awww thanks guys you are helping loads i will go for it , i am going to do this and in the worse case scenario he doesnt like me but at least i'll know and then be able to move on, right? Ok i am physcing(mmm i think spelt completeley wrong)myself up at the moment readyfor tomorrow

miss satis · 09-15-2004, 03:05 PM

aww aint this igloo supportive!! its great!![img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]lol

anywho, im offski, so tink...really hope things go well [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]im sure they will!!

[img]smileys/smiley31.gif[/img]big hugs for all the friendly eskimos!! lol byebye

Tink · 09-15-2004, 03:06 PM

Big hug to you to and thanks for the advice and support very much appreciated[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]

miss satis · 09-15-2004, 03:07 PM

umm... its a long story lol it became really complicated n stuff n we jus never got past the point of being together kinda thing we never admited any feelings...well i never! lol not puttin words in his mouth lol

Nathaniel · 09-15-2004, 03:09 PM

he does andwill continue tolike you

Tink · 09-15-2004, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nathaniel

he does andwill continue tolike you

nice to see you have the confidence to say so, it helps me to see somebody else has the confidence, it brings me confidence if any of that made any sense at all

Nathaniel · 09-15-2004, 03:28 PM

well take it from a guy who knows I would hang around with a girl as mates , then kiss her if I didnt like her. You go girl. Everything will be fine. And if its not I give you permission to give me a slap[img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

Nathaniel · 09-15-2004, 03:31 PM

oops that was supposed to say wouldnt

pamela · 09-15-2004, 03:36 PM

you should go to a party, drink THEN tell him everything you wanted to tell him, but were too scared to, or just sing for him [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

jayavo · 09-15-2004, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss satis

ps... the kissing is a good sign tht he likes ya!! [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

the kissing is a good sign hes a guy.

tell him how you feel. if he doesnt feel the same, there are about 3 billion others.....

be honest with yourself. if that means opening up to him, do it. you can only control what you do, not his reaction. when you act based on fear, you do not act truthfully to yourself. and then what you are offering to someone is not yourself. we tend to think about what to do based on the image it projects...you dont want to scare him off....if he is going to run, hes going to run. nothing you say or do will change that. once you accept that you cant control any aspect of him and accept the possibility of negative outcomes, things get much easier.

jason

"'oy' DasIQjaj" (May you endure the pain) - klingon proverb

indigoangel · 09-15-2004, 03:44 PM

good luck tink [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]any guy would be lucky to have you as their fairy-girlyfriend [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

in my own experience boys have been confusing regarding kissing and friendships, thats why its better to draw boundaries so you no one ends up badly hurt. i know its scary,but you need to talk to him for two reasons: 1) if he does want to be involved with you then it kick starts the process, instead of anymore insecurities about what you should do you can enjoy the beginning ofsomething wonderful [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]

and 2) if hes not interested in taking it that far then at least you will know and can get rid of the hazy borders between friendship and relationship (but hed obviously be crazy not to want to!!!!!)

Tink · 09-15-2004, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pamela

you should go to a party, drink THEN tell him everything you wanted to tell him, but were too scared to, or just sing for him [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

Well pam when he sang at a gig i fell for him there and then he sang older chests and hallelujah so maybe that'll work for him. Ooooh i am kind of depending on Damien Rice on Sunday when we go see him as his music is loved by both of us.

Hannah650 · 09-15-2004, 03:46 PM

awh tink, best of luck chick! i'm sort of going thru a similar-ish thing at the mo, it is so confusing[img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img]But the only thing to do is ask him outright, it will stop your head from being so wreckedfrom thinking about it too much. But if u ask me you have little need to fear being rejected - little glances and that kiss and staying up talking, all are signs that he may feel the same!

Hey, u never know, he may be equally mad about u but just as confused about signals you're giving him...the bottom line is ya wont find out til u talk to him!

Dont worry about the ex situation either, you should never let others stop u doing what will make you happy just because they might be offended or slightly jealous!

Hope it all goes well for ya[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

Hannah650 · 09-15-2004, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pamela

you should go to a party, drink THEN tell him everything you wanted to tell him, but were too scared to, or just sing for him [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

would soooo not recommend this, unless of course he is equally drunk! If thats the case then wahey go for it![img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

Tink · 09-15-2004, 03:49 PM

Thanks alot jason that has really helped how come you always know the right thing to say, i must say you have helped to take my fear away[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img].

Indigo Angel thanks babe for your words [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]

Nathaniel if you are wrong i wouldnt slap you i mean evryone is wrong sometimes about things

pamela · 09-15-2004, 03:50 PM

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]ah just go for it, you're amazing ...how could he not love ya back !?

hannah, i know it sounds bad ...but it works ! [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

Louise · 09-15-2004, 04:05 PM

just be honest tink, if its meant to be it will be! What have you got to lose really? Worst case he's not into it and you can carry on as you are-best case you have a lovely new boyf! And as for the rest of them (the weirdo gfriend etc.) forget them. Only you guys matter.

Tink · 09-15-2004, 04:12 PM

Thankyou thats how im going to look at it Louise, its true though because what have i got to lose really because i dont have him anyway

Hannah650 · 09-15-2004, 04:15 PM

i'll take ur word for it pam! maybe its just a no-go in my case...i tend to exaggerate and say waaay too much when under the influence!![img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

Nathaniel · 09-15-2004, 04:18 PM

yup it'll be fine Tink."Just live for the moment cos thats all life really is a series of moments".

Stolen from Dogma. I wish you all the luck in the world and if you want to slap me go ahead I'm used to it[img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

Tink · 09-15-2004, 04:20 PM

Sorry im not a viiolent person [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]unless you hurt a member of my family or friends. Thanks for the encoragement again[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]. If you dont mind me asking what part of the U.K are you from?

09-15-2004, 02:38 PM	#1
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Heylo there as some of you may know who read the girlie thread i have fallen for a guy. We have kissed and sat up for ages speaking to each other on a number of times. He has the same passion for music as i do and is just amazing! Anyway i really like him but am not sure if he feels the same way, and every time i attempt to spk to him about it to him i never end up doing it. One main reason is i have no idea what to say because i dont wan t to come on too strong and scare him away. The other reason is im scared that if i say something he wont feel the same and then it'll be ruined, but i do really need to know because i dont want to end up falling for him more and getting hurt. This probably sounds really stupid and immature of me but im quite useless as you may be ableto tell in these situations. __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 02:45 PM	#2
miss satis Eskimo Friend Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: England Posts: 90	aww! [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] i had the exact same thing happen to me a while ago! was crazy about this guyn things were goin good we were really close n we got really close n stuff [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]lol we once stayed up talkin from 6 that night to seven in the morning and juswatched the sun rise n all tht romantic crap!![img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]but i jus lost my chance, i let him slip away!! i really wish i had took the chance when i could!! so i say jus go for it!! you might never know otherwise!!!!...good luck ! [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img] __________________ .x.After miles and miles of mountain the sea is within reach, but as you cross the hills you get stuck on the beach.x.

09-15-2004, 02:47 PM	#3
miss satis Eskimo Friend Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: England Posts: 90	ps... the kissing is a good sign tht he likes ya!! [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] __________________ .x.After miles and miles of mountain the sea is within reach, but as you cross the hills you get stuck on the beach.x.

09-15-2004, 02:49 PM	#4
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Aww we sat up until 5 in the morning chatting to, do you know what you are sooo right i am just going to get over my fear and do it. When i see him tomorrow in college i'll see if he ha sany free periods and chat to him about it then. Have to say though im absolutely terrified __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 02:56 PM	#6
miss satis Eskimo Friend Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: England Posts: 90	aww!! well dont be!! cease the day n all that!! [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]dont worry im sure everythin will work out!! i can imagine how scared you are!! its even worse when your face to face! lol but dont back down!! you have to do it for yourself! i wish i coulda told my guy jus exactly how much he meant to me but now its too late....weve both moved on and he's moving to manchester in two days!!! so i say gofor it while you can!! [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img] __________________ .x.After miles and miles of mountain the sea is within reach, but as you cross the hills you get stuck on the beach.x.

09-15-2004, 02:52 PM	#5
Hendrik Teddy Daniels Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Berlin Posts: 9,693	At first: it's not immature, it's normal. [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] I really understand your fears. And it's hard to speak it out loud, but the only way to get to know how he reacts is to tell him that you love him and that you are confused at the moment. If you have so much fears try it - yeah, it sounds ridicolous - via e-mail at first and then suggest a meeting. Maybe that's easier for you? But I don't understand this: you both end up kissing...if he doesn't want a relationship then why should he kiss you? A kiss is something really intimate...(well, I dunno how you deal with this in England) [img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img]

09-15-2004, 02:59 PM	#7
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	exactly thats why im confused hendrickand its like my friends notice him sneakily glancing at me when we're all chatting and things like that. Your e-mail thing isnt a stupid situation because i was thinking about phoning/txting him to arrange to like go out somewhere or go for a walk then i could tell him there. It is a kind of weird situation we are in though because one of our good mates used to like me and that may be a bit weird for him, and his ex goes to our college and she is like totally weird. I mean though i think we would be great together ppl keepsaying we would be great even my ex b/f came up to us today and asked us if we were together, when we said no he was like well you should be __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 02:59 PM	#8
Nathaniel Debauched Eskimo Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: England Posts: 1,999	do it tink whats the old cliche "its better to regret something you have done than something you havent" you dont want to spend the rest of your life going what if? Take it from me I let this girl slip throug hfingers because of my overwhelmig fear of rejection and have regretted it everyday and have ever since been Chasing Amy.[img]smileys/smiley19.gif[/img] Do it mate- have faith in yourself[img]smileys/smiley20.gif[/img] __________________ I want to say Thanks for your grace And your ability to take my weight When I lean on you Your skin is so true I guess I just miss you

09-15-2004, 03:04 PM	#10
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Awww thanks guys you are helping loads i will go for it , i am going to do this and in the worse case scenario he doesnt like me but at least i'll know and then be able to move on, right? Ok i am physcing(mmm i think spelt completeley wrong)myself up at the moment readyfor tomorrow __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 03:05 PM	#11
miss satis Eskimo Friend Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: England Posts: 90	aww aint this igloo supportive!! its great!![img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]lol anywho, im offski, so tink...really hope things go well [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]im sure they will!! [img]smileys/smiley31.gif[/img]big hugs for all the friendly eskimos!! lol byebye __________________ .x.After miles and miles of mountain the sea is within reach, but as you cross the hills you get stuck on the beach.x.

09-15-2004, 03:06 PM	#12
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Big hug to you to and thanks for the advice and support very much appreciated[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 03:07 PM	#13
miss satis Eskimo Friend Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: England Posts: 90	umm... its a long story lol it became really complicated n stuff n we jus never got past the point of being together kinda thing we never admited any feelings...well i never! lol not puttin words in his mouth lol __________________ .x.After miles and miles of mountain the sea is within reach, but as you cross the hills you get stuck on the beach.x.

09-15-2004, 03:09 PM	#14
Nathaniel Debauched Eskimo Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: England Posts: 1,999	he does andwill continue tolike you __________________ I want to say Thanks for your grace And your ability to take my weight When I lean on you Your skin is so true I guess I just miss you

09-15-2004, 03:28 PM	#16
Nathaniel Debauched Eskimo Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: England Posts: 1,999	well take it from a guy who knows I would hang around with a girl as mates , then kiss her if I didnt like her. You go girl. Everything will be fine. And if its not I give you permission to give me a slap[img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] __________________ I want to say Thanks for your grace And your ability to take my weight When I lean on you Your skin is so true I guess I just miss you

09-15-2004, 03:31 PM	#17
Nathaniel Debauched Eskimo Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: England Posts: 1,999	oops that was supposed to say wouldnt __________________ I want to say Thanks for your grace And your ability to take my weight When I lean on you Your skin is so true I guess I just miss you

09-15-2004, 03:36 PM	#18
pamela Eskimo Regular Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,157	you should go to a party, drink THEN tell him everything you wanted to tell him, but were too scared to, or just sing for him [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] __________________ I know that he loves me. . . . . Cause he told me so

09-15-2004, 03:44 PM	#20
indigoangel Eskimo Regular Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Ireland Posts: 893	good luck tink [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]any guy would be lucky to have you as their fairy-girlyfriend [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] in my own experience boys have been confusing regarding kissing and friendships, thats why its better to draw boundaries so you no one ends up badly hurt. i know its scary,but you need to talk to him for two reasons: 1) if he does want to be involved with you then it kick starts the process, instead of anymore insecurities about what you should do you can enjoy the beginning ofsomething wonderful [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] and 2) if hes not interested in taking it that far then at least you will know and can get rid of the hazy borders between friendship and relationship (but hed obviously be crazy not to want to!!!!!) __________________ if you dream it, you can achieve it - if you imagine it, you can become it

09-15-2004, 03:46 PM	#22
Hannah650 Wee Wils Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Edinburgh, yay!!:) Posts: 1,584	awh tink, best of luck chick! i'm sort of going thru a similar-ish thing at the mo, it is so confusing[img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img]But the only thing to do is ask him outright, it will stop your head from being so wreckedfrom thinking about it too much. But if u ask me you have little need to fear being rejected - little glances and that kiss and staying up talking, all are signs that he may feel the same! Hey, u never know, he may be equally mad about u but just as confused about signals you're giving him...the bottom line is ya wont find out til u talk to him! Dont worry about the ex situation either, you should never let others stop u doing what will make you happy just because they might be offended or slightly jealous! Hope it all goes well for ya[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img] __________________ Friends are the people who bring out the beautiful things in you that no-one else looks hard enough to find

09-15-2004, 03:49 PM	#24
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Thanks alot jason that has really helped how come you always know the right thing to say, i must say you have helped to take my fear away[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]. Indigo Angel thanks babe for your words [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] Nathaniel if you are wrong i wouldnt slap you i mean evryone is wrong sometimes about things __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 03:50 PM	#25
pamela Eskimo Regular Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,157	[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]ah just go for it, you're amazing ...how could he not love ya back !? hannah, i know it sounds bad ...but it works ! [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] __________________ I know that he loves me. . . . . Cause he told me so

09-15-2004, 04:05 PM	#26
Louise Eskimo Regular Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Ireland Posts: 2,118	just be honest tink, if its meant to be it will be! What have you got to lose really? Worst case he's not into it and you can carry on as you are-best case you have a lovely new boyf! And as for the rest of them (the weirdo gfriend etc.) forget them. Only you guys matter. __________________ "Every line means something"

09-15-2004, 04:12 PM	#27
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Thankyou thats how im going to look at it Louise, its true though because what have i got to lose really because i dont have him anyway __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...

09-15-2004, 04:15 PM	#28
Hannah650 Wee Wils Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Edinburgh, yay!!:) Posts: 1,584	i'll take ur word for it pam! maybe its just a no-go in my case...i tend to exaggerate and say waaay too much when under the influence!![img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] __________________ Friends are the people who bring out the beautiful things in you that no-one else looks hard enough to find

09-15-2004, 04:18 PM	#29
Nathaniel Debauched Eskimo Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: England Posts: 1,999	yup it'll be fine Tink."Just live for the moment cos thats all life really is a series of moments". Stolen from Dogma. I wish you all the luck in the world and if you want to slap me go ahead I'm used to it[img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] __________________ I want to say Thanks for your grace And your ability to take my weight When I lean on you Your skin is so true I guess I just miss you

09-15-2004, 04:20 PM	#30
Tink Eskimo fairy godmother Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Posts: 2,897	Sorry im not a viiolent person [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]unless you hurt a member of my family or friends. Thanks for the encoragement again[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]. If you dont mind me asking what part of the U.K are you from? __________________ L'amour detta, il bacio scrive i segreti del cuore...