Tommy Cooperisms to brighten up your day!

netheredgeman · 08-20-2004, 10:32 AM

1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"

For those of you who may not have heard of him:-

Tommy Cooper was a comedian born March 19, 1921, Caerphilly, Wales - Died April 15, 1984, London, England.

He collapsed on stage, at Her Majesty's Theatre, on 15th April 1984. This act went almost unnoticed by the audience. But why? Why had they not noticed? To understand this you need to know a little of Tommy Cooper. Part of Tommy Cooper's act was his apparent incompetence - he kidded his audience that he really hadn't a clue what was coming next! In keeping with this reputation, nothing surprised them, not least the sight of Tommy falling back gracefully into the curtain and disappearing from view. He died 10 minutes later on the way to hospital. Almost poetic in its finality - what a way to end the distinguished life of one of Britain's best loved comic's. Tommy Cooper was a fully paid up member of the Magic Circle despite this apparent ineptitude and worked long hours to perfect the tricks and gags that were a feature of his shows. His entertaining mixed magic skills helped him to migrate to television. You could always rely on Tommy to get it wrong which was of course half the fun and the thing that endeared him to so many.

mestonf · 08-20-2004, 10:33 AM

lol! [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

cille · 08-20-2004, 11:09 AM

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

who's tommy cooper?

edit: [img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]ok, just realised you wrote something about him at the end... what a dork i am[img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]Edited by: cillecille

cille · 08-20-2004, 11:12 AM

(btw, what a cool avi, netheredgeman[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]nasty pingu!!!)

Petra · 08-20-2004, 11:51 AM

i love number 16[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

and i love tommy cooper - a genius[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

netheredgeman · 08-20-2004, 01:24 PM

cille,

Tommy Cooper is a 'bit' like Victor Borge but without the piano [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img]

cille · 08-20-2004, 01:57 PM

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]how cool that you actually know victor borge!

netheredgeman · 08-20-2004, 02:09 PM

yes i do .he used to be on tv a fair bit in the 60's and early 70's in the uk. sorry but i am that old! nina and frederik were also on television a lot then as well [img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]

The Pink Girly · 08-20-2004, 02:25 PM

wow [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

god bless him!

cille · 08-20-2004, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by netheredgeman

yes i do .he used to be on tv a fair bit in the 60's and early 70's in the uk. sorry but i am that old! nina and frederik were also on television a lot then as well [img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]

i do believe borge was at his best in the 60'ies and 70'ies - at least from what i've seen...

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]nina and frederik??? you are embarressing me now on behalf of my country[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]. btw, that frederik dude was killed under mysterious circumstances - don't think they ever found out how and why... trivia over and out [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

08-20-2004, 10:32 AM	#1
netheredgeman Eskimo Regular Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Isle of Axholme Posts: 198	1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." 2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". 7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual." 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." 14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!" 19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more" For those of you who may not have heard of him:- Tommy Cooper was a comedian born March 19, 1921, Caerphilly, Wales - Died April 15, 1984, London, England. He collapsed on stage, at Her Majesty's Theatre, on 15th April 1984. This act went almost unnoticed by the audience. But why? Why had they not noticed? To understand this you need to know a little of Tommy Cooper. Part of Tommy Cooper's act was his apparent incompetence - he kidded his audience that he really hadn't a clue what was coming next! In keeping with this reputation, nothing surprised them, not least the sight of Tommy falling back gracefully into the curtain and disappearing from view. He died 10 minutes later on the way to hospital. Almost poetic in its finality - what a way to end the distinguished life of one of Britain's best loved comic's. Tommy Cooper was a fully paid up member of the Magic Circle despite this apparent ineptitude and worked long hours to perfect the tricks and gags that were a feature of his shows. His entertaining mixed magic skills helped him to migrate to television. You could always rely on Tommy to get it wrong which was of course half the fun and the thing that endeared him to so many. __________________ "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ."

08-20-2004, 10:33 AM	#2
mestonf Eskimo Regular Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: England Posts: 4,164	lol! [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] __________________ Damien Rice Fan Society

08-20-2004, 11:09 AM	#3
cille creepycute Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Copenhagen Posts: 15,333	[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] who's tommy cooper? edit: [img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]ok, just realised you wrote something about him at the end... what a dork i am[img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img]Edited by: cillecille __________________ Yeah

08-20-2004, 01:24 PM	#6
netheredgeman Eskimo Regular Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Isle of Axholme Posts: 198	cille, Tommy Cooper is a 'bit' like Victor Borge but without the piano [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] __________________ "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ."

08-20-2004, 02:09 PM	#8
netheredgeman Eskimo Regular Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Isle of Axholme Posts: 198	yes i do .he used to be on tv a fair bit in the 60's and early 70's in the uk. sorry but i am that old! nina and frederik were also on television a lot then as well [img]smileys/smiley9.gif[/img] __________________ "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ."

08-20-2004, 11:12 AM	#4
cille creepycute Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Copenhagen Posts: 15,333	(btw, what a cool avi, netheredgeman[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]nasty pingu!!!)

08-20-2004, 11:51 AM	#5
Petra Eskimo Regular Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 451	i love number 16[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] and i love tommy cooper - a genius[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

08-20-2004, 01:57 PM	#7
cille creepycute Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Copenhagen Posts: 15,333	[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]how cool that you actually know victor borge!

08-20-2004, 02:25 PM	#9
The Pink Girly the long eskimo Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: in the black hole of the UK Posts: 1,412	wow [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] god bless him! __________________ and if I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and we'll forget the world? ~snow patrol when you're driving with the brakes on, when you're swimming with your boots on, it's hard to say you love someone... it's hard to say you don't ~del amitri