The Professor (Live at Cornucopia Café, Dublin)

capo 3
             C
Well I don't know if I'm wrong 
            B/Am
Cause she's only just gone 
Am                     G 
   Here's to another relationship 
(hammers on 2nd fret of D string on the word "bombed")
          F                  (Em)
Bombed by excellent breed of gamete disease
    F                        G
I'm sure when I'm older I'll know what that means
(same as first time)
Cried when she should and she laughed when she could
Here's to the man with his face in the mud 
And an overcast play just taken away 
From the lover's in love at the centre of stage yeah
F
Loving is fine if you have plenty of time
    G
For walking on stilts at the edge of your mind
F
Loving is good if your dick's made of wood 
        G
And the dick left inside only half understood her
Fmaj7
What makes her come and what makes her stay? 
G6
  What make the animal run, run away yeah
Fmaj7
What makes him stall, what makes him stand
    G6
And what shakes the elephant now
    (mute)
And what makes a man?
Fmaj7         G6            Am6/9 (?)
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
Am6/9 G6   Fmaj7 G6     C
No I don't know you any more
C Cmaj7 Fmaj7
No, no, no, no...
C           Fmaj7
ooh yeah... hey hey...

same as first time, except sub E7 for B/Am

I don't know if I'm wrong
'Cause shes only just gone
Why the fuck is this day taking so long
I was a lover of time and once she was mine
I was a lover indeed, I was covered in weed 
Cried when she should and she laughed when she could
Well closer to god is the one who's in love 
And I walk away cause I can
Too many options may kill a man
Loving is fine if it's not in your mind
But I've fucked it up now, too many times
Loving is good if it's not understood
Yeah, but I'm the professor 
And feel that I should know
What makes her come and what makes her stay?
What make the animal run, run away and
What makes him tick apart from him prick 
And the lonelier side of the jealousy stick
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
Hell I don't know you any more
No, no, no no...

Well I don't know if I'm wrong
'Cause she's only just gone 
Here's to another relationship 
Bombed by my excellent breed of gamete disease
I finished it off with some French wine and cheese

La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi
Et je pense que je l'aime des fois
Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc
Quand on est ensemble
Mettre les mots
Sur la petite dodo

C      x 3 2 0 1 0
B/Am   x 2 0 0 1 0
Am    (0)0 2 2 1 0
F      1(3)3 2 1 1
Fmaj7  1 x 3 2 1 0 (use thumb on low E string)
G6     3 x 5 4 3 0 (")
Am6/9  5 7 7 5 0 0
E7     0 2 0 1 3 0

There you go.  Some weird chords, but not too hard.  Just a pretty standard walking bass progression for most of the song, a la Paul Simon's "America".

Rice does some hammering on and off (A to G to A on the F chords - middle finger, and a similar middle finger thing with the E in the C chord.)

I haven't actually seen Damien Rice in concert or anything, so some of this might be wrong.  But it sounds a lot like the track to me, so give it a try.

Questions, comments?  Email Chris at harlach@earlham.edu