When the cancer comes back - new song

[robmcgrail]

Ok, so this is the last one ive written that will be on the album, the albums gonna have 7 tracks, and the albums title will most probly be "when the cancer comes back" This is a pretty basic rough recording of it. but the skeleton of the track is here. So let me know what you think of it.

Link to the recording: HERE
Her mood changes
And those smiles fade
Theres rocks on these waters
And fire in these caves
With my hand lent for shelter
A hand bound by pain

There are days i dont regret
Mistakes i may have made
And when the cancer comes back
Well those will be the days
With my back for her to lean
A back bound and slain

With a trace of her memory
I lay down tierd and tamed.

[Calum]

It's very much the same stuff you have here as all your other songs - i really feel you need to pick it up, e.g. put some power into those vocals (the whole of all of your songs isn't necessarily suited to a soft whispering voice), add some volume and variation on your guitar playing and in my opinion, multi tracked guitars will make your songs more interesting.
This isn't bad i don't think, but it's just so bare, which can be alright, but it's just that all of your songs are like that and that's why.

Keep it up, and i hope my suggestions were useful (no one said constructive criticism was pleasant unfortunately ). All the best.

[cestoz]

Originally Posted by robmcgrail

Ok, so this is the last one ive written that will be on the album, the albums gonna have 7 tracks, and the albums title will most probly be "when the cancer comes back" This is a pretty basic rough recording of it. but the skeleton of the track is here. So let me know what you think of it.

Link to the recording: HERE
Her mood changes
And those smiles fade
Theres rocks on these waters
And fire in these caves
With my hand lent for shelter
A hand bound by pain

There are days i dont regret
Mistakes i may have made
And when the cancer comes back
Well those will be the days
With my back for her to lean
A back bound and slain

With a trace of her memory
I lay down tierd and tamed.

can i ask, what is meant by the cancer?
in the chorus its like youre welcoming it.her, is this right? "there are days i dont regret... those will be the days".

..i just want to understand it, thats all, but that apart the lyrics are very good!

[robmcgrail]

Sure. the point of that second verse and the song really is saying when the bad times come back. which bad times wil always come around time and time again i will be contempt in the knowlage that the good times inbetween were enough.

The last two lines really sum up that feeling. saying basically, that when i "lay down tierd and tamed" as an old man, reiring, dieing tierd of life or however you wish to imagen it, i will be able to look back and say that was alright.

Ok in more detail, the whole album is about all the "cancers" (which i use metaphoidcally, but can be taken as it is) like cancer as i said already bad things have a habbit of returning. "there are times i dont regret, the mistkaes i may have made" this is saying that well... i wont regret the mistakes ive made that have resulted in life panning out the way in which it did, "when the cancer comes back those will be the days" reiterating what ive just said, when the bad times come round (and like cancer, if its back for a second go itll be likely to be the end", i can look at whats happend and think "those were the days"

So its not so much welcoming the cancer, its taking comfort in the times that led to it.



In summary, what is the cancer?

Whatever you wish to relate it to. Love, illness, depression, frustration, ...thats pretty much a list of what the album covers acctually.


Thanks for the reply callum. i hear what your saying, as i said this is only a rough recording, i intend to have more insruments and work the vocals out more on the final version. But the idea of posting the skelleton is really to hear peoples opinions on the song as in lyrically and melodicaly.

[cestoz]

Originally Posted by robmcgrail

Sure. the point of that second verse and the song really is saying when the bad times come back. which bad times wil always come around time and time again i will be contempt in the knowlage that the good times inbetween were enough.

The last two lines really sum up that feeling. saying basically, that when i "lay down tierd and tamed" as an old man, reiring, dieing tierd of life or however you wish to imagen it, i will be able to look back and say that was alright.

Ok in more detail, the whole album is about all the "cancers" (which i use metaphoidcally, but can be taken as it is) like cancer as i said already bad things have a habbit of returning. "there are times i dont regret, the mistkaes i may have made" this is saying that well... i wont regret the mistakes ive made that have resulted in life panning out the way in which it did, "when the cancer comes back those will be the days" reiterating what ive just said, when the bad times come round (and like cancer, if its back for a second go itll be likely to be the end", i can look at whats happend and think "those were the days"

So its not so much welcoming the cancer, its taking comfort in the times that led to it.



In summary, what is the cancer?

Whatever you wish to relate it to. Love, illness, depression, frustration, ...thats pretty much a list of what the album covers acctually.


Thanks for the reply callum. i hear what your saying, as i said this is only a rough recording, i intend to have more insruments and work the vocals out more on the final version. But the idea of posting the skelleton is really to hear peoples opinions on the song as in lyrically and melodicaly.

aah i see, thanks for the explanation, good luck with the song!