A friend of mine was inpsired by 9 Crimes...

[Calum]

Thanks.

Well, alright then, this is something i wrote just before christmas (and my birthday coincidently!). Here it is:

Celebration Lights

Brass wire spun leaves and metallic robin breasts,
[Christmas has never been the same since then.]

Polythene sentiment and plastic gifts,
[It was never the same since I left.]


Illusionary cards, entwined with its claim,
Gloss shining catalogues and LCD fame.
[It’s never been right since we paid]

Don’t
		Buy
				Me
						Anything
Don’t 
		Ring 
				Me
						Up
Don’t
		Wrap
				My
						Innocent
								Child
You
		Can’t
				Buy
						Me
								Love

			


Discarded toboggans play fool to the rain,
And drowned in the pool when the snow never came.

When the snow never came, 
Christmas was lost;
“Celebration Lights” blossom,
Hung up on the Mosque.

[Nine]

Go Calum, it's ya birthday, Go Calum, etc etc.
(sorry.....)
Glorious
x

[Calum]

Haha, bit late! But here here!

Honestly? Thanks.

[Isley]

oh

my

god

last little stanza is stunning

i think we share the same view of christmas, roughly.

nine informs me that's not your best - so wat yo got boo? wat yo thank yo got?
*transforms into something uber-streetwise*

do ya have a collection of sorts? poetry's fun!

[Nine]

Yeah Cal post that one about ummm - you know, where you drew a circle on your hand or something... with a biro I think

That was my all time favourite of yours and I wish for all to see

In the xmas one - I adore what you did with the middle bit, with the spaced our words.... So good. (Ok so I'm not a poet and don't know the terminology because I didn't listen in A level english....) but I know I like it!
x

[robmcgrail]

I'll put my post being completly ignored down to the fact it was the last one on the 1st page... hmm.... yeah

Callum, i like your stuff man, im never one for anything thats as blatently as subjective as a song about xmas. But tell you what, you still pull of some brilliant poetry in it. So, thumbs up.

[Nine]

where's spamlet gone?

[Isley]

apologies to rob!

we did read it and go "oooooooooh" - I'm just not used to this forum thingy, so low fi it's silly! I'm not sure what there is to say about it - apart from that I like it muches and I'd love to see more. again, sorry - no idea there was a second page until nine told me - ha! idiot me!

x

[Nine]

Originally Posted by Isley

apologies to rob!

we did read it and go "oooooooooh" - I'm just not used to this forum thingy, so low fi it's silly! I'm not sure what there is to say about it - apart from that I like it muches and I'd love to see more. again, sorry - no idea there was a second page until nine told me - ha! idiot me!

x

You are a fool but I forgive you
I like it Rob. I always like your lyrics.

[Calum]

Thanks for the compliments! Well, that's not strictly my views on christmas - i still love it, but i just thought this idea of it was interesting to think about.

Ah Rob we haven't forgotten you! I've listened to the song, but unfortunately can't make out any of the lyrics, which are great and i'd love to hear them sung with more clarity!

Ah, ok, that would be "?". You reckon that's better? Ok, i'll post it.

?

I couldn’t find my pencil this morning. That little stick of graphite meant a fortune to me, and that I can’t explain. The question mark tattooed to the back of my hand shrieks at me, but then it’s only scribbled on with a bursting biro, and the poison of the pen swills around up to my head, like the convection current of amnesia.
A biro doesn’t quite have the effect on a piece of paper as those particles of graphite you see; with my pencil I know where I stand, and where I come from.
Monotonous isn’t quite the word to describe the past; but my wrist has been locked in muscle memory, circling the page, shaping metaphoric spheres.
When this particular blow to the head came, I knew it was coming, I just didn’t duck.

I was struck, hard across the face as if my eyes had caught witness to things they shouldn’t have seen, and my ears were corroded by forbidden acids.

The fading question mark, through my hourglass I’ve seen. I knew before you did; your cotton eyelids shroud my pencil’s words with ignorance of the highest quality. So “welcome to my ****ed up little mind, where other people know me better than myself”.

The apologies aren’t washing your bull**** off my boots, and they certainly don’t buy me a new pencil. So goodnight my little sobbing star, I’ll see you some time.


Edit: Does Spamlet have to read them....?

[Nine]

Originally Posted by Calum

Thanks for the compliments! Well, that's not strictly my views on christmas - i still love it, but i just thought this idea of it was interesting to think about.

Ah Rob we haven't forgotten you! I've listened to the song, but unfortunately can't make out any of the lyrics, which are great and i'd love to hear them sung with more clarity!

Ah, ok, that would be "?". You reckon that's better? Ok, i'll post it.

?

I couldn’t find my pencil this morning. That little stick of graphite meant a fortune to me, and that I can’t explain. The question mark tattooed to the back of my hand shrieks at me, but then it’s only scribbled on with a bursting biro, and the poison of the pen swills around up to my head, like the convection current of amnesia.
A biro doesn’t quite have the effect on a piece of paper as those particles of graphite you see; with my pencil I know where I stand, and where I come from.
Monotonous isn’t quite the word to describe the past; but my wrist has been locked in muscle memory, circling the page, shaping metaphoric spheres.
When this particular blow to the head came, I knew it was coming, I just didn’t duck.

I was struck, hard across the face as if my eyes had caught witness to things they shouldn’t have seen, and my ears were corroded by forbidden acids.

The fading question mark, through my hourglass I’ve seen. I knew before you did; your cotton eyelids shroud my pencil’s words with ignorance of the highest quality. So “welcome to my ****ed up little mind, where other people know me better than myself”.

The apologies aren’t washing your bull**** off my boots, and they certainly don’t buy me a new pencil. So goodnight my little sobbing star, I’ll see you some time.


Edit: Does Spamlet have to read them....?

Argh, I just LOVE it. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end. I don't even care what Spamlet says on this one! How could he not like it? Spammy, where are you!

Thanks Cal, honestly it's just excellent.
x

[Isley]

hahahahaha! oh yes, spam - what a character, I'm sure he will avert his eyes if you ask nicely? thank you so much for putting that up - so very cool, really conversational tone whilst maintaining some great metaphoric imagery.

listen to me, i sound like my english teacher...

nehoodle, twas brill, again, i love the last bit - i suppose i love it when your poems end - ha! i hope you take that the way it was intended, uh oh...

x

[Spamlet]

Originally Posted by Isley

I'd be interested in reading some of your own work, you sound like you're poetry would be very deep and I could really sink my teeth into it -

How right you are here's one from back in my days as leader of the hip hop group "Tha Ill-Literates" about when I used to be a substitute teacher:

The Bell Rung

I write my name on the board
I'm at the head of the class.
So prepare to be floored
I'm gonna shatter you like glass.
I'll put ya in your place.
Your name will be erased
from the minds of the folks who thought you'd win this race.
Well don't look now, son, but you're about to get passed
by the dark horse behind you comin' up fast.
And if ya turn to check
you just might break ya neck
'cause the speed that I move with'll cause you to wreck.

And as you're lyin' there in a pool of your own blood
bein' "Vewy, vewy quiet" like Elmer Fudd
you'll cast your eyes up to the sky
draw your final, painful sigh
and angrily demand of your God on high
a reason for just how and why
you could fall so far in the blink of an eye.
Then, as if to answer, my face will appear
causin' you to piss yourself with fear.
My voice will be the last you hear
as I whisper these words in your ear:

The bell just rung
You're way too late
Your song's been sung
past the expiration date.
You got knocked out, homey.
Didn't see it hit cha
You need to call your mommy
And have her come and get cha!

Now I pick up your unconscious ass off the ground.
Drop ya into the office Lost and Found.
Cover ya up in a rainbow scarf
that's been soaked in Fourth grader barf.
You're played out, son,
Like Pokemon.
Your entire career's already been forgotten.
Your CD's sittin in the 99 cent bin.

The bell's not gonna ring again.
The man who's countin' just got to "TEN!".
I been crowned heavyweight champ of the world.
You been left cryin' like a lil' six year old girl.
The birds are chirpin' and you're seein' stars.
To remember me by, you'll always have the scars.
You're just dumb enough to try to battle again.
Hopefully now, though, you've learned your lesson
If not: bring an apple, fool.
Class is always in session.

Copyright 1999 Douglas Rossi

(Probably seems a metrical mess since you can't hear all of the melody/ tempo changes. Then again, it may not since each section is pretty syllabically consistent within itself. I can't hear it without the music when I read it so there's no way for me to judge how it appears to a first time reader) BTB, in case you're wondering why I chose "rung" as opposed to the more grammatically correct "rang", it's because 'getting your bell rung' is street slang for getting your guts kicked out.

Sorry to give your reply to my reply such short shrift (this was a quick cut/paste I had online already) but I promise I'll get back to it in a more point by point fashion soon. To answer nine's where's Spammy question: working two jobs which totals 65 hours this week, had four auditions in 2 days, rehearsing three plays, two films, a staged reading and acting for two 2 playwrighting classes a week. Plus, as luck would have it I lost my monthly subway card last night (so I'm out 75 bucks) and then ran all around Manhattan in vain attempting to retrace my steps.

[Nine]

Originally Posted by Spamlet

To answer nine's where's Spammy question: working two jobs which totals 65 hours this week, had four auditions in 2 days, rehearsing three plays, two films, a staged reading and acting for two 2 playwrighting classes a week.

But - but - Spamlet, eskimo friends is so much more important than all those insignificant little duties :O

No, really - sorry to hear you lost your card, and that you're such a busy bee at the moment! Must be stressful. Also like the lyrics
Good luck with the plays and whatnot x

[Calum]

Hope you find your card Spam.

I like your tune!