Hey, who let the funny kid in?!

StrychnineSPS · 11-16-2004, 12:20 PM

Ok, friends, I think this has been done somewhat before but not officially, and seeing as I could use a good laugh, why not an official joke forum. One-liners, jokes, riddles, ponderables, whatever you can through at us! If it has been officially done before, it hasn't been used in a while, so let's revive it. Ok, me first, me first!!

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

cille · 11-16-2004, 02:42 PM

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]am i supposed to be able to answer that???[img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

i got a small riddle/joke for you:

why do women act more... should we say, aggressive just before their period?[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

Juzzza · 11-16-2004, 03:21 PM

Penis envy?

*ducks*

Patricia · 11-16-2004, 05:03 PM

A 5 year old asks his older sister (who's herself only 7)

"how do adults make babies?"

She replies: "well... the daddy puts his seed in the mummie's belly... and then pushed it hard with his dick"

indigoangel · 11-16-2004, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juzzza

Penis envy?

*ducks*

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] freud would have loved that joke juzza!

cille · 11-16-2004, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by indigoangel

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juzzza

Penis envy?

*ducks*

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] freud would have loved that joke juzza!

yeah, i'm sure he'd have agreed

Donsie B! · 11-16-2004, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patricia

A 5 year old asks his older sister (who's herself only 7)

"how do adults make babies?"

She replies: "well... the daddy puts his seed in the mummie's belly... and then pushed it hard with his dick"

thats what my mam told me!

cille · 11-16-2004, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cillecille

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]am i supposed to be able to answer that???[img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

i got a small riddle/joke for you:

why do women act more... should we say, aggressive just before their period?[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

reply:

they just do, okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[img]smileys/smiley7.gif[/img]

[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

Edited by: cillecille

StrychnineSPS · 11-17-2004, 02:12 AM

Lol, that's pretty funny!! Remind me to stay away from you once a month [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

StrychnineSPS · 11-17-2004, 04:06 PM

Ah, come on guys, you're lettin me down. My thread is dying a long, slow, agonizing death! Please save it!

Here, I'll give it some CPR!

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

samuelle · 11-17-2004, 04:27 PM

what's brown and sticky?

a stick.

cille · 11-17-2004, 05:40 PM

^[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

Jarv · 11-17-2004, 11:25 PM

what's six inches long and starts with a 'p'??

a sh*t!

yeah i know, it's horrible, but you'v put me on the spot and it was the last joke i heard

Krystian · 11-18-2004, 02:33 AM

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]you guys are crazy

StrychnineSPS · 11-18-2004, 12:34 PM

Jarv, ok, on about my third reading I finally understood the complexity of that joke! Is funny on many levels [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] Ok, my joke today:

For all you musicians

What did the guitar say to the rock star?

Quit picking on me!

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

Enoch · 11-18-2004, 12:37 PM

What is yellow and smells like banana?

Enoch · 11-18-2004, 12:40 PM

Monkey sick

JudgeDread · 11-18-2004, 03:31 PM

My contribution: [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about George W. Bush being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'"

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.

The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:

"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down."

JudgeDread · 11-25-2004, 08:00 AM

This isn't really a joke but it's still pretty funny

One for the ladies, perhaps

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!! ALL ARE WELCOME! OPEN TO MEN ONLY!!
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration.

1 HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS. Step by step with slide presentation.

2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion.

3.. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR. Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.

4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among panel of experts.

5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.

6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.

7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
PowerPoint presentation.

8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.

9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.

10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Online class and role-playing.

11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

13. GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME!
Individual counselors available.

thewaitingone · 11-25-2004, 02:22 PM

Ok, I'll bite as well..this one's an oldie,but it's the only one I remember.

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach despondently, thinking about the state of her life and her unhappiness about her marriage.In frustration she kicks a pile of sand and out rolls a genie lamp, and with ita genie. The genie thanks her for freeing him and grants her three wishes.

"But," he says, "whatever you wish for your partner will receive twice over."

The woman frowns, not wanting to give any sort of happiness to her ex-husband, but wanting to have her wishes granted, first asks for a million dollars. The genie nods and suddenly a millions dollars appears at her feet. Miles away, her ex-husband gapes in astonishment as two million dollars appears in front of him. Next, the woman asks for a beautiful diamond necklace, and miles away her ex-husband is shouting in delight as he receives two gorgeous diamond necklaces.

The woman is silent for a while, contemplating her final wish. Finally, she speaks up and says,

"Ok, genie, I'm ready for my last wish. I want you to scare me half to death."

[img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] and also[img]smileys/smiley11.gif[/img]

Ameraldo · 11-26-2004, 07:22 PM

^[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

ok my friend told me this one so dont blame me!

a guy with a pumpkin for a head (now to be known as pumpkinhed) walks into his local pub. the barman serves him and says 'look mate. i dont mean to be rude in asking but... how did you get a pumpikn for a head?'

pumpkinhed says 'well you asked so i'll tell you. one day i was walking down this street and i found a genie in a bottle. he said i could have three wishes. so for my first wish i asked for world peace.'

the barman says ' well done mate! i wondered where all the harmony came from'

'then for my second wish' continued pumpkinhed, ' i wished to end world hunger.'

that was a very selfless wish. congratulations' said the barman.

'and for my third wish' said pumkinhed, 'i wished for a pumpkin for my head.'

Hannah650 · 11-26-2004, 09:33 PM

^ awful ameraldo!![img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

What did the sea say to the shore??

Nothing, it just waved!

Ah... ha... ha....!

StrychnineSPS · 11-27-2004, 02:19 AM

Hanna, that's just wrong [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media to publicize it, and one to blame the electric bill on the democrats.

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

indigoangel · 11-27-2004, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samuelle

what's brown and sticky?

a stick.

[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]hehe i like this one!

11-16-2004, 02:42 PM	#2
cille creepycute Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Copenhagen Posts: 15,333	[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]am i supposed to be able to answer that???[img]smileys/smiley5.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] i got a small riddle/joke for you: why do women act more... should we say, aggressive just before their period?[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img] __________________ Yeah

11-16-2004, 03:21 PM	#3
Juzzza Eskimo Regular Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Jersey Posts: 924	Penis envy? ducks __________________ www.justinthorne.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Ninjas killed my family, I need money for Kung-Fu lessons'... homeless guy's sign, New York (May 2005) http://www.myspace.com/justinthorne http://www.myspace.com/jtintheshadows

11-16-2004, 05:03 PM	#4
Patricia Eskimo Regular Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 3,213	A 5 year old asks his older sister (who's herself only 7) "how do adults make babies?" She replies: "well... the daddy puts his seed in the mummie's belly... and then pushed it hard with his dick" __________________ "To do is to be" - Nietzsche "To be is to do" - Kant "Do be do be do" - Sinatra

11-17-2004, 04:27 PM	#11
samuelle care bear stare! Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,087	what's brown and sticky? a stick. __________________ "I can hope, see? Even if I don't believe."

11-17-2004, 05:40 PM	#12
cille creepycute Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Copenhagen Posts: 15,333	^[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] __________________ Yeah

11-16-2004, 12:20 PM	#1
StrychnineSPS Eskimo Friend Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 74	Ok, friends, I think this has been done somewhat before but not officially, and seeing as I could use a good laugh, why not an official joke forum. One-liners, jokes, riddles, ponderables, whatever you can through at us! If it has been officially done before, it hasn't been used in a while, so let's revive it. Ok, me first, me first!! Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

11-17-2004, 02:12 AM	#9
StrychnineSPS Eskimo Friend Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 74	Lol, that's pretty funny!! Remind me to stay away from you once a month [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

11-17-2004, 04:06 PM	#10
StrychnineSPS Eskimo Friend Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 74	Ah, come on guys, you're lettin me down. My thread is dying a long, slow, agonizing death! Please save it! Here, I'll give it some CPR! If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

11-17-2004, 11:25 PM	#13
Jarv Eskimo Regular Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Christmas Island Posts: 401	what's six inches long and starts with a 'p'?? a sh*t! yeah i know, it's horrible, but you'v put me on the spot and it was the last joke i heard __________________ Don't count the days. Make the days count

11-18-2004, 02:33 AM	#14
Krystian Eskimo Regular Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Atlanta,Georgia,United States Posts: 1,747	[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]you guys are crazy __________________ I knew her, like Adam knew Eve, every tear you cry is a tear that I will bleed. http://www.chrismahanukwanzakah.com/

11-18-2004, 12:34 PM	#15
StrychnineSPS Eskimo Friend Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 74	Jarv, ok, on about my third reading I finally understood the complexity of that joke! Is funny on many levels [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] Ok, my joke today: For all you musicians What did the guitar say to the rock star? Quit picking on me! [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

11-18-2004, 12:37 PM	#16
Enoch Eskimo Regular Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,698	What is yellow and smells like banana? __________________ Hold me down, hoping that you can explain, little arithmetics, got me down ..

11-18-2004, 12:40 PM	#17
Enoch Eskimo Regular Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,698	Monkey sick __________________ Hold me down, hoping that you can explain, little arithmetics, got me down ..

11-18-2004, 03:31 PM	#18
JudgeDread Eskimo Baby Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 22	My contribution: [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'" Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was. The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle." The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain: "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down." __________________ http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v8...igs/JDZack.jpg If I was President I'd get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday, buried on Sunday ..

11-25-2004, 08:00 AM	#19
JudgeDread Eskimo Baby Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 22	This isn't really a joke but it's still pretty funny One for the ladies, perhaps NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!! ALL ARE WELCOME! OPEN TO MEN ONLY!! Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration. 1 HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS. Step by step with slide presentation. 2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion. 3.. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR. Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics. 4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among panel of experts. 5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. Help line and support groups. 6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING. Open forum. 7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH. PowerPoint presentation. 8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real-life testimonial from the one man who did. 9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation. 10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE. Online class and role-playing. 11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques. 12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE. Bring your calendar or PDA to class. 13. GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME! Individual counselors available. __________________ http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v8...igs/JDZack.jpg If I was President I'd get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday, buried on Sunday ..

11-25-2004, 02:22 PM	#20
thewaitingone Eskimo Baby Join Date: May 2004 Location: Cocos (Keeling) Islands Posts: 21	Ok, I'll bite as well..this one's an oldie,but it's the only one I remember. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach despondently, thinking about the state of her life and her unhappiness about her marriage.In frustration she kicks a pile of sand and out rolls a genie lamp, and with ita genie. The genie thanks her for freeing him and grants her three wishes. "But," he says, "whatever you wish for your partner will receive twice over." The woman frowns, not wanting to give any sort of happiness to her ex-husband, but wanting to have her wishes granted, first asks for a million dollars. The genie nods and suddenly a millions dollars appears at her feet. Miles away, her ex-husband gapes in astonishment as two million dollars appears in front of him. Next, the woman asks for a beautiful diamond necklace, and miles away her ex-husband is shouting in delight as he receives two gorgeous diamond necklaces. The woman is silent for a while, contemplating her final wish. Finally, she speaks up and says, "Ok, genie, I'm ready for my last wish. I want you to scare me half to death." [img]smileys/smiley1.gif[/img] and also[img]smileys/smiley11.gif[/img]

11-26-2004, 07:22 PM	#21
Ameraldo Eskimo Regular Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 535	^[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] ok my friend told me this one so dont blame me! a guy with a pumpkin for a head (now to be known as pumpkinhed) walks into his local pub. the barman serves him and says 'look mate. i dont mean to be rude in asking but... how did you get a pumpikn for a head?' pumpkinhed says 'well you asked so i'll tell you. one day i was walking down this street and i found a genie in a bottle. he said i could have three wishes. so for my first wish i asked for world peace.' the barman says ' well done mate! i wondered where all the harmony came from' 'then for my second wish' continued pumpkinhed, ' i wished to end world hunger.' that was a very selfless wish. congratulations' said the barman. 'and for my third wish' said pumkinhed, 'i wished for a pumpkin for my head.' __________________ ...why can't we look the other way?

11-26-2004, 09:33 PM	#22
Hannah650 Wee Wils Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Edinburgh, yay!!:) Posts: 1,584	^ awful ameraldo!![img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] What did the sea say to the shore?? Nothing, it just waved! Ah... ha... ha....! __________________ Friends are the people who bring out the beautiful things in you that no-one else looks hard enough to find

11-27-2004, 02:19 AM	#23
StrychnineSPS Eskimo Friend Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: United States Posts: 74	Hanna, that's just wrong [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media to publicize it, and one to blame the electric bill on the democrats. [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]