Eternal Sunshine... would you erase the memories of your ex if you could?

eskimo_friendly · 04-09-2005, 04:45 PM

Just like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, would you have the memories of past relationships that are causing you pain erased from your mind if it was possible?

It's a toughy! It'd mean life would be that much less painful, but at the same time you wouldn't know who you really are anymore... All that you learned from being in the relationship would just go to waste.

I don't think I'd do it - however, it would be extremely tempting! Especially in the first few months after it ends... But ultimately, no I don't think I'd do it... Would you?

kel :) · 04-09-2005, 05:03 PM

god no...i was with my ex for 2 and half years and ive learned so much from him.yeah there were fights etc, but in the end i wouldnt be the person i am today without him. although, if i could erase a certain time thats a different story!! definitely the first few months of the break up!!

cindy8219 · 04-09-2005, 05:06 PM

I tend to block hurtfull memories in general. You can't completely block what happened from your memory, but I can forget dates or the sequence of events. It's something I do to help cope.

Enoch · 04-09-2005, 05:54 PM

No way! time is the best healer.

Cali · 04-09-2005, 06:03 PM

i wouldn't, not even the bad memories.

Sionna · 04-09-2005, 06:44 PM

It would depend on the circumstances, but yeah id love to just be able to erase someone who hurt me.

Wheels · 04-09-2005, 06:49 PM

Wouldn't it be better to only erase the bad bits?

Sionna · 04-09-2005, 06:53 PM

With one person i knew thats all there was,bad bits!So glad i never have to put up with him anymore,but it'd b so much better if i could erase it completely.Then theres others that were also not the best for me,yet i wouldnt like to erase them completely cause there was good parts.If that makes any sense

SilentNight · 04-09-2005, 08:04 PM

no matter how positively you can make out of your painful past, the fear of being hurt again is hanging above your head everytime you try to look up. it's a terrible feeling.

i don't feel the need to erase my past, i don't need to deny it, no regret either. but it gave shudders everytime i was reminded the pain.

Livo · 04-09-2005, 09:25 PM

it'd be nice to be able to not have to deal with it, but defo i have learned what to do and what not to do. it'd be a little silly to erase everything, unless it was seriously bad. but funnily enough it was the repercussions of breaking up with an ex that caused the most trouble...that's my main lesson, don't break up by text

snowbaby · 04-09-2005, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentNight

no matter how positively you can make out of your painful past, the fear of being hurt again is hanging above your head everytime you try to look up. it's a terrible feeling.

i don't feel the need to erase my past, i don't need to deny it, no regret either. but it gave shudders everytime i was reminded the pain.

i agree

you defo build up a wall so as time goes on every new relationship has more hurdles to get over before you can get going anywhere. however i still wouldn't want to erase the pain cause only remembering the good times would give you a false memory and then you'd be more likely to fall into the same problems again. take the good times with the bad and when there's more bad then good it's time to leave. and i dunno livo... i was dumped by text and i was glad cause i didn't have to show anyone my tears and then it was surreal and i was able to be friends with the boy cause i wasn't embarrassed or anything cause we never had that awkward im crying in front of you moment

eskimo_friendly · 04-09-2005, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livo

it'd be nice to be able to not have to deal with it, but defo i have learned what to do and what not to do. it'd be a little silly to erase everything, unless it was seriously bad. but funnily enough it was the repercussions of breaking up with an ex that caused the most trouble...that's my main lesson, don't break up by text

I was broken up with via text. We had just spent the day together and he had planned to do it in person. But after we said goodbye and I was in Connolly station, I got the text. He said he tried to tell me while we were in the bar, but he felt like he was gonna cry. And the odd thing? I completely understood and accepted that. Coz I knew him so well I knew that if he was ever gonna break up with me, I don't think he'd have been able to do it face to face. Just unable.

All my friends said it was low and pathetic and cruel. And it truly was pathetic and weak. And I sometimes used to say that to myself to make him seem worse and me feel better about not being with him anymore. But ultimately, I don't hold it against him. I truly don't.

That said, I will happily through it in his face if we ever have an argument! Coz it really was a low thing to do!

Enoch · 04-10-2005, 12:16 AM

Note to self:

Look at address bar and confirm I haven't gone to teenangst.com by mistake.

Enoch

snowbaby · 04-10-2005, 02:23 PM

enoch u need to chill a lidl and lose some of the sarcasm

Livo · 04-10-2005, 02:51 PM

personally i think breaking up by text has pros and cons. pros would be that it's better than face to face or by phone because you don't have to look at the person or even hear them. the words don't have to ring in your ears, you can delete the message and be over and done with it. but that leads to the cons, that because you're not looking at or talking to the person, it's fairly cowardly. i think generally there's something surrounding it, like you just can't do it which i really don't understand. then again, i wouldn't like to be broken up with by text, so i'm shooting myself in the foot. i think in my situation it wasn't the actual break up that was messy, it was the fact that i'll never be allowed forget by him or his friends that i did it by text.. and then of course there was a messy aftermath which i am sooooo not going to go into..

eskimo_friendly · 04-10-2005, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livo

personally i think breaking up by text has pros and cons. pros would be that it's better than face to face or by phone because you don't have to look at the person or even hear them. the words don't have to ring in your ears, you can delete the message and be over and done with it. but that leads to the cons, that because you're not looking at or talking to the person, it's fairly cowardly. i think generally there's something surrounding it, like you just can't do it which i really don't understand. then again, i wouldn't like to be broken up with by text, so i'm shooting myself in the foot. i think in my situation it wasn't the actual break up that was messy, it was the fact that i'll never be allowed forget by him or his friends that i did it by text.. and then of course there was a messy aftermath which i am sooooo not going to go into..

It did have its pros in that he didn't get to see me break down in tears! I'm grateful for that. The cons were that I felt I had spent four months going out with a guy who frankly didn't know what it meant to be a real man. But the pro totally outweighed the con. If he had seen my break down (which everyone in Connolly Station did!!) then I don't think it would have been easy for us to maintain a friendship afterwards coz he would have felt far too guilty and awkward about the whole thing.

Anywho, I'm interested in YOUR story!!! Please do go into it!

Livo · 04-10-2005, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskimo_friendly

Anywho, I'm interested in YOUR story!!! Please do go into it!

ooooooooaaaaarggghhh...

basically there was a lot of confusion involving him wanting to get back together, while he was going out with this girl who i hated, and me not wanting to at all. the entire story is a lot longer!

Beevers_uk · 04-10-2005, 08:44 PM

I was going out with my Ex for 4years!! And when i moved to spain in 2003 we decided to stil be together, but i learnt that a few days later she had slept with my best mate, and that she had been with him the night that i left England!! But i would not get rid of my memories, even though ive been going out with my current girlfriend for 1year and 4months nearly, my ex taught me sooo much, and in a way i love her for what she taught me!! Like they say Love hurts!! Smiley19

By the way do any of you guys know who sang the origianl of 'Love Hurts', the one Damien and Lisa Covered??

The Pink Girly · 04-11-2005, 04:36 PM

love definately does hurt. i would be really tempted to erase it, but i probably wouldnt. id want to though. yeah, i'd definately want to. tricky stuff.

Beevers_uk · 04-11-2005, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Pink Girly

love definately does hurt. i would be really tempted to erase it, but i probably wouldnt. id want to though. yeah, i'd definately want to. tricky stuff.

If you did erase it then do u think you would be anymore happier with yourself, knowing that you have lost all the good times you spent together, and all the happpy moments??

eskimo_friendly · 04-11-2005, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beevers_uk

If you did erase it then do u think you would be anymore happier with yourself, knowing that you have lost all the good times you spent together, and all the happpy moments??

You wouldn't know that you had erased the memories. You wouldn't know there was even anything to erase. The relationship would go completely from memory, as would the memory-deletion process. (as in the film!)

Beevers_uk · 04-11-2005, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskimo_friendly

You wouldn't know that you had erased the memories. You wouldn't know there was even anything to erase. The relationship would go completely from memory, as would the memory-deletion process. (as in the film!)

Yeah good point, i didnt think of that!! but i would still want those memories, for some reason cause the was four years ofmy life!! and im not going toget them back, so i might aswell have some happiness come out of those four years!!

SisterMidnight · 04-12-2005, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beevers_uk

By the way do any of you guys know who sang the origianl of 'Love Hurts', the one Damien and Lisa Covered??

nazareth (but i think it was lisa and paul noonan who covered it)

no way i would never erase someone! i’ve been erased before and it’s a horrible feeling

i know some people use repression and denial as a way to cope but i’ve always been dead set against it. if you try to bury your feelings they just build up and eventually explode or they take their toll on you in other ways…

i also don’t believe in regret. i think you have to let yourself taste all of life, bitter and sweet, to really feel alive. and i think if you were to erase memories or feelings you would lose more (a piece of yourself) than if you just let yourself remember both the joy and the sorrow and try to focus on the good that came from it (i’m still learning..) plus it just wouldn't be honest somehow...

anyway in the movie joel realizes halfway through the erasure how much those memories mean to him and fights like hell to hold onto them. in the end all you really have is memories so i would never give up a single one, painful or not.

Juzzza · 04-12-2005, 11:00 AM

No chance... I could end up with another nutter like that psycho if I removed those memories.

I think you are crazy removing any memories (if it were possible)... I wouldn't have any of the songs I have written and wouldn't appreciate the people and things I have now if not for the bad stuff.

BIG TIM · 04-12-2005, 11:45 AM

I wouldn't erase one memorie of a past relationship. the Truth is i still dont fully know who I am and a relationship is like having a mirror held up in front of you. yea there are some times when it can give a distorted image of you but thats when you learn to know yourself, when you can say this isnt me, this isnt how i want to be.

its a weird way to look at it but I'm sure that I'm not the only one to look at myself and say "I could never see myself getting angry or reacting like this" thats what a relationship does to you opens you up and its so good to be like that.

I love how much I have learnt from my Ex she is a beautiful person and she taught me that my feelings are worth fighting for and my opinions are worth hearing.

and Just quickly on the text message thing. I have never thought of it the way that people have brought up. I do believe myself that you need to be able to look a person in the eye and say that it's over, sure it would be as hard as hell but when it comes down to it hurting some one in that situation is enevitable, and Telling some one that is a huge act of character. and Tears; there is no better way to let some one know that you yourself are hurting to hurt them. From my experience it just let me know that it still killed her to hurt me and she didnt want to hurt me anymore in the long run.

anyways getting too deep here,

but in any situation you have a choice to make. is the glass half empty or half full.

SisterMidnight · 04-12-2005, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BIG TIM

I wouldn't erase one memorie of a past relationship. the Truth is i still dont fully know who I am and a relationship is like having a mirror held up in front of you. yea there are some times when it can give a distorted image of you but thats when you learn to know yourself, when you can say this isnt me, this isnt how i want to be.

its a weird way to look at it but I'm sure that I'm not the only one to look at myself and say "I could never see myself getting angry or reacting like this" thats what a relationship does to you opens you up and its so good to be like that.

that's not weird at all. it's actually very insightful.

re: the text thing, yeah you really should have the courage to look someone in the eye and say it to their face if at all possible... even if it hurts you as much as it does them.

Beevers_uk · 04-12-2005, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SisterMidnight

nazareth (but i think it was lisa and paul noonan who covered it)

Thank you!!!

maccas81 · 04-12-2005, 03:03 PM

absolutely and categorically not.......i think thats what eternal sunshine is trying to warn against actually.... you should always rememebr what attracted you to the person in the first place......thats a beautiful thing... no matter how it ends up, itd be compleltely missing the point to try and erase it!

sarahmarie · 04-12-2005, 05:18 PM

never ever would i erase the memories of my ex. there where really good times and even ones that still make me sick to my stomach when i think about them, but there is always a reason for everything that happens and it would really screw with your fung shuey if you just erased everything. plus i dont think you could ever fully forget someone like that.

eskimo_friendly · 04-12-2005, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SisterMidnight

anyway in the movie joel realizes halfway through the erasure how much those memories mean to him and fights like hell to hold onto them. in the end all you really have is memories so i would never give up a single one, painful or not.

Yeah, I didn't really realise that that was really probably the point the film was trying to make - that you really should be grateful and happy for the good times you had with the person, and that the painful ones are generally worth it overall.

You know what? The pain love puts you through is HORRIBLE!!! and sucks more than anything has ever sucked before. And it just doesn't seem to ever fully go away.

But I'm gonna end this post with a smile

04-09-2005, 04:45 PM	#1
eskimo_friendly Eskimo Regular Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Dublin Posts: 418	Eternal Sunshine... would you erase the memories of your ex if you could? Just like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, would you have the memories of past relationships that are causing you pain erased from your mind if it was possible? It's a toughy! It'd mean life would be that much less painful, but at the same time you wouldn't know who you really are anymore... All that you learned from being in the relationship would just go to waste. I don't think I'd do it - however, it would be extremely tempting! Especially in the first few months after it ends... But ultimately, no I don't think I'd do it... Would you?

04-09-2005, 05:06 PM	#3
cindy8219 Eskimo Regular Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Houston Posts: 767	I tend to block hurtfull memories in general. You can't completely block what happened from your memory, but I can forget dates or the sequence of events. It's something I do to help cope. __________________ A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful. Is this a test? It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.

04-09-2005, 05:54 PM	#4
Enoch Eskimo Regular Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,698	No way! time is the best healer. __________________ Hold me down, hoping that you can explain, little arithmetics, got me down ..

04-09-2005, 06:03 PM	#5
Cali Vegetable Eskimo Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: A room of musical tunes Posts: 5,158	i wouldn't, not even the bad memories. __________________ Scrubs Ted and Kate Micucci Screw You (full song) __________________________________ note: my name is NOT short for California

04-09-2005, 06:44 PM	#6
Sionna Eskimo Regular Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Ireland Posts: 3,131	It would depend on the circumstances, but yeah id love to just be able to erase someone who hurt me. __________________ Emmett Tinley World Domination Commission (ETWDC)

04-09-2005, 05:03 PM	#2
kel :) arty eskimo Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: waterford in the sunny south east! Posts: 750	god no...i was with my ex for 2 and half years and ive learned so much from him.yeah there were fights etc, but in the end i wouldnt be the person i am today without him. although, if i could erase a certain time thats a different story!! definitely the first few months of the break up!!

04-09-2005, 06:49 PM	#7
Wheels Eskimo Enigma Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Peoples Republic of Cork Posts: 7,900	Wouldn't it be better to only erase the bad bits? __________________

04-09-2005, 06:53 PM	#8
Sionna Eskimo Regular Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Ireland Posts: 3,131	With one person i knew thats all there was,bad bits!So glad i never have to put up with him anymore,but it'd b so much better if i could erase it completely.Then theres others that were also not the best for me,yet i wouldnt like to erase them completely cause there was good parts.If that makes any sense __________________ Emmett Tinley World Domination Commission (ETWDC)

04-09-2005, 08:04 PM	#9
SilentNight Eskimo Regular Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 901	no matter how positively you can make out of your painful past, the fear of being hurt again is hanging above your head everytime you try to look up. it's a terrible feeling. i don't feel the need to erase my past, i don't need to deny it, no regret either. but it gave shudders everytime i was reminded the pain.

04-09-2005, 09:25 PM	#10
Livo Eskimo Frames Expert Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: People's Republic of Cork Posts: 2,559	it'd be nice to be able to not have to deal with it, but defo i have learned what to do and what not to do. it'd be a little silly to erase everything, unless it was seriously bad. but funnily enough it was the repercussions of breaking up with an ex that caused the most trouble...that's my main lesson, don't break up by text __________________ trying to find a little chaos in the order..

04-10-2005, 12:16 AM	#13
Enoch Eskimo Regular Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,698	Note to self: Look at address bar and confirm I haven't gone to teenangst.com by mistake. Enoch __________________ Hold me down, hoping that you can explain, little arithmetics, got me down ..

04-10-2005, 02:23 PM	#14
snowbaby Eskimo Regular Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ireland Posts: 356	enoch u need to chill a lidl and lose some of the sarcasm __________________ i was thinking bout your face, rolling down the river...only if you ride the tide, balanced on the biggest wave...you give me miles and miles of mountains, and i ask for the sea

04-10-2005, 02:51 PM	#15
Livo Eskimo Frames Expert Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: People's Republic of Cork Posts: 2,559	personally i think breaking up by text has pros and cons. pros would be that it's better than face to face or by phone because you don't have to look at the person or even hear them. the words don't have to ring in your ears, you can delete the message and be over and done with it. but that leads to the cons, that because you're not looking at or talking to the person, it's fairly cowardly. i think generally there's something surrounding it, like you just can't do it which i really don't understand. then again, i wouldn't like to be broken up with by text, so i'm shooting myself in the foot. i think in my situation it wasn't the actual break up that was messy, it was the fact that i'll never be allowed forget by him or his friends that i did it by text.. and then of course there was a messy aftermath which i am sooooo not going to go into.. __________________ trying to find a little chaos in the order..

04-10-2005, 08:44 PM	#18
Beevers_uk Esquimal Conducido Pasión Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: In My Sugar Coated World, Filled With Angels And Love And Happiness And... And You. Posts: 4,421	I was going out with my Ex for 4years!! And when i moved to spain in 2003 we decided to stil be together, but i learnt that a few days later she had slept with my best mate, and that she had been with him the night that i left England!! But i would not get rid of my memories, even though ive been going out with my current girlfriend for 1year and 4months nearly, my ex taught me sooo much, and in a way i love her for what she taught me!! Like they say Love hurts!! Smiley19 By the way do any of you guys know who sang the origianl of 'Love Hurts', the one Damien and Lisa Covered?? __________________ ...~Gemma Hayes~... - Just To See How Hard, You Can Make Me Cry - ...~Duke Special~... - Im Not Who You Think I am, I Slipped A Stranger Inside - ...~Noelie Mcdonnell~... - You'll Be My Muse, And I'll Be Your Poet - ...~My Myspace Thingy~...

04-11-2005, 04:36 PM	#19
The Pink Girly the long eskimo Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: in the black hole of the UK Posts: 1,412	love definately does hurt. i would be really tempted to erase it, but i probably wouldnt. id want to though. yeah, i'd definately want to. tricky stuff. __________________ and if I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and we'll forget the world? ~snow patrol when you're driving with the brakes on, when you're swimming with your boots on, it's hard to say you love someone... it's hard to say you don't ~del amitri

04-12-2005, 11:00 AM	#24
Juzzza Eskimo Regular Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Jersey Posts: 924	No chance... I could end up with another nutter like that psycho if I removed those memories. I think you are crazy removing any memories (if it were possible)... I wouldn't have any of the songs I have written and wouldn't appreciate the people and things I have now if not for the bad stuff. __________________ www.justinthorne.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Ninjas killed my family, I need money for Kung-Fu lessons'... homeless guy's sign, New York (May 2005) http://www.myspace.com/justinthorne http://www.myspace.com/jtintheshadows

04-12-2005, 11:45 AM	#25
BIG TIM Polar bear Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: currently Newcastle, England Posts: 400	I wouldn't erase one memorie of a past relationship. the Truth is i still dont fully know who I am and a relationship is like having a mirror held up in front of you. yea there are some times when it can give a distorted image of you but thats when you learn to know yourself, when you can say this isnt me, this isnt how i want to be. its a weird way to look at it but I'm sure that I'm not the only one to look at myself and say "I could never see myself getting angry or reacting like this" thats what a relationship does to you opens you up and its so good to be like that. I love how much I have learnt from my Ex she is a beautiful person and she taught me that my feelings are worth fighting for and my opinions are worth hearing. and Just quickly on the text message thing. I have never thought of it the way that people have brought up. I do believe myself that you need to be able to look a person in the eye and say that it's over, sure it would be as hard as hell but when it comes down to it hurting some one in that situation is enevitable, and Telling some one that is a huge act of character. and Tears; there is no better way to let some one know that you yourself are hurting to hurt them. From my experience it just let me know that it still killed her to hurt me and she didnt want to hurt me anymore in the long run. anyways getting too deep here, but in any situation you have a choice to make. is the glass half empty or half full. __________________ Stars don't have mirrors because true beauty doesn't need them . Last edited by BIG TIM; 04-12-2005 at 11:47 AM.

04-12-2005, 03:03 PM	#28
maccas81 Eskimo Ladies Man Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Donegal Posts: 2,541	absolutely and categorically not.......i think thats what eternal sunshine is trying to warn against actually.... you should always rememebr what attracted you to the person in the first place......thats a beautiful thing... no matter how it ends up, itd be compleltely missing the point to try and erase it! __________________ I'm happy, hope you're happy too.....

04-12-2005, 05:18 PM	#29
sarahmarie Eskimo Baby Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: California Posts: 10	never ever would i erase the memories of my ex. there where really good times and even ones that still make me sick to my stomach when i think about them, but there is always a reason for everything that happens and it would really screw with your fung shuey if you just erased everything. plus i dont think you could ever fully forget someone like that. __________________ Cradle me in my guitar string hammock and let the stars sing me to sleep...